Second Week Blues
Disclaimer- I wrote this last week. This isn't my current situation, but I felt it necessary to provide the full experience of life out here.
The worst aspect of Lincoln is loneliness. I’m experiencing new landscape, foods, accents, books, concepts, and beliefs utterly alone. I’ve adventured a fair amount in my short life and, as Mom and Dad can surely attest to by many sob-filled phone calls; all of my adventures have had rough patches. However, this rough patch feels a bit different-it’s a desert and I’m alone in it.
When I left for college I had Matt and Ben, Sam and Michele were down the road. My first summer household was mere blocks away from David. In Ethiopia I was with Kelsey. In short, all of my adventures were experienced with good friends with whom I had shared beliefs. Though the mountains here are breath taking (literally, the elevation is killer) and I take daily naps in hammock I am far from any friends-no phone or internet during the week- and I am far from people of shared beliefs.
This is NOT meant to be a cry out for pity. There are a lot worse places to be than Lincoln Oregon. I know I am going to blessed by this experiencing and, most likely in 3 months, I will be tearing up in the airport at the prospect of having to leave this place and its people. But, does the knowledge of future companionship alter the isolation I feel now? Should it? I’m not sure. I know that I often try and rationalize myself out of emotion. It can be a positive form of self-preservation but sometimes it can leave me feeling numb.